WARNING - Candor and My Life Story Ahead - Proceed with Caution!

Today, my blog is taking a new turn. I hope you'll stick around and see where we go next...but if you don't like truth and candor...you might want to skip this post.
The other day, I was just jumping around in blogland...and came upon a VERY personal post by a gentleman. He had recently had a conversation with his son...who had relayed to him that he should put more "real" things on his blog. More about who he really is...what makes him tick. So, following that advice...the man went on to describe his last few years of struggle with losing his career and now playing "house wife"...and what that has done to him emotionally, financially, and spiritually.
I have to say, his candor really touched me. And, I felt that he was a real brave soul to do that. It also moved me to do the same...but my inner fears prevented me from putting this on my main blog...so I posted it on a secondary blog...that I thought only I could view. Turns out, at least 3 others could view it...because they commented (nicely, and thanks to them for that).
So, I'll type it here...and we'll see where that leads us.
First, I want to make sure everyone knows that I am not a whiner...far from it. I will do just about anything not to complain about my situation. I don't run to the doctor every time I get a sniffle. I don't call my sisters when I get into emotional or financial trouble. I don't share all my worries with my daughter or my Mom. If my entire family was to vote on who could withstand the most trouble..and still be standing...I'm absolutely convinced it would be "me". I just don't buckle under pressure.
But, having said all that...if I were totally honest with myself (and you) I have had a few times in my life when I almost buckled. Once I thought I was going to die. Once, I prayed that I would. I know what it is to live for years far away from your family, your children...still in school...and to miss them so badly you question God. I also know what it's like to have them come back into your life when they are grown, and to know that you are blessed in so many ways because of God's love in answering your prayers.
I know how it is to hate a job so much you just can't think of facing another day. And, I know how it is to love a job so much you really would do it for free...gladly! 
As the eldest of seven, I've always been in charge...and alone. My task was always to look after the others...be the "mini-Mom"...and as such, I really never felt a close bond with my sisters and brothers. Oh, I love them...would do anything for any of them. Any of them could move in with me today (and some have before)...and I'd do my best to be there for them. But, I rarely call them on the phone...or go to their house. I'm a loner; always have been...even back in high school. My school work was my focus in the day...and a little job working for the Assistant Principal when I wasn't in school. Went to work right out of school...and have done that all my adult life until last year.
Retirement has been difficult. Oh, the first 3-4 months were wonderful...I had my lump sum annual leave, and got busy doing some repairs to the roof and stuff. Started my little Shawkl Studio business...and ordered a ton of supplies for that...which I play in every day too. Found a new hobby (beading) that is so much fun...it rivals quilting! But now I'm in a battle for what is due me...and the government is slow in paying up.
My life has been gloriously wonderful at times...and horrible at others. I have usually make great decisions and only a couple that I'm not so proud at having made. Oh, I'm not ashamed of my life...or most of my decisions. I almost always decided things with others in mind first, and was not selfish. So, if I had to do them all over again...I would do the same thing because it was what I felt was best for those I loved. But, some were extremely hard for me to live with the aftermath of...like my giving custody of my kids to my first husband when we divorced. Although I thought it was best since his Mom was the primary caregiver with us both working...and my parents were not very active in the kids life...having not even babysit them actually. My husband and I got along okay...used the same divorce lawyer in fact; but we were just really young...and going seperate ways. And, a few months later...when my husband realized he really was "divorced" he took an out of state job and moved the kids with him..I thought I'd lose my mind! I hurt so bad I wanted to die. But, I picked my self up...threw myself deeper into my work...and finally, even married again. My second husband was a soldier and I moved even further away...the other side of the world! That was hard, and when I was told by another ex-family in-law that the Christmas and birthday presents sent to my kids were going in the trash can unopened or even acknowledged...that was really hard. But, I tolerated...and kept putting one foot in front of the other. When you are on the other side of the world, there's not much else you can do. It made me stronger in the end.
Yes, I love my family. Yes, my kids and I have a good relationship now (they understand my life, and my decisions, and hold no ill will). Yes, their lives could have been different...and they could have been hit with a bus too...but weren't. So all you judging folks who were fortunate in your lives NOT to be faced with the same life circumstances and life decision as I...should be THANKFUL for your own good fortune...you are more blessed than you can even imagine!
When I was locked in a house, raped at gunpoint, and thought I would be dead by morning...I just kept breathing and managed to make my escape. Again, I put it behind me and just kept on going. And I knew it wasn't me that was at fault, it was the seemingly kind and nice man who asked me out on a date...and then pointed a gun at me. Afterward, I put it behind me and kept on breathing...and today, I can honestly say that I grew stronger because of that. It does not haunt me, or even concern me anymore.
When my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer, and I lived 4 hours away; I worked over time so I could go home each Friday to be with my family. And when he neared passing, and I was in Kentucky working for the Army...I flew back to my south Alabama house, drove 4 hours and got to his bedside before he passed. He was beyond speaking but I crawled into bed with him...put my hand on his chest and promised him that I would be there to take care of Mom and my siblings. Encouraged him to believe that God loved him and that all would be okay. I felt his heart as it took it's last beat. And, when we held his funeral and found that he was not "entitled" to a military tribute because he had not retired from the Army...only having gotten blown off a Korean bridge while driving his gasoline truck; then enduring five horrible surgeries resulting in seven inches of fused vertebra in his back that prevented him from bending, lifting, and working...I got the local VFW to agree to send "whomever they had" to the funeral. They came in different styles of uniforms...and not all were Army; but they gave Dad his 21-gun salute...and he would have liked that. Before the casket was lowered into the ground...I stood and read my Dad's eulogy...a letter I wrote to him from all of us kids. I was the one to do it...because I was the one that COULD do it. And when we left, every one of those veterans shook my hand and thanked me for asking them to come...because they had received a blessing by hearing about my dad's life.
My dad (Franklin Scott Seaman II) always thought I was "smart". The only time I ever saw him in a suit was at my high-school graduation. Out of seven kids, I'm the only one to have graduated...but most of the others have gone on to get their GEDs, and become accomplished nurses and soldiers. I think my road was easier than theirs in that respect. I was fortunate enough to go to work for the Army later in life; and that was fortunate too. My first book "Embellishing Crazy Quilts" (yes, I'm planning several more, not all about crazy quilts) ends with a photo of my dad in uniform because he missed out on it's publication. He really would have been proud to see his last name in print...so I authored it as Kathy Seaman Shaw, instead of the usual Kathy Lynn Shaw that I go by every day. "Miss ya Dad!".
When my second husband threw 27 years of military service out the window...along with his pay and retirement...and spend time in prison...all because he decided to shoplift from the Post Exchange (federal property). I still kept going...I worked and paid the bills...all by myself. When he came back, we tried to work it out...but in the end he could not get past it. He wanted to continue down that distructive path, and I didn't want to go with him. So, I downsized from a three story house with a sewing room only magazine covers could out-do (loved that space!)...to a small rental house...to a smaller apartment...and now, to this garage apartment that is so small every space that we don't need to eat, sleep, or bath is my sewing room.
Now, when the government has screwed me over twice on my retirement so far...and I'm trying to live on 23% of what I was living on...when my cabinets hold milk, bread, peanut butter...and anything else is considered a blessing...I'm still hanging in there. I continue to call and send emails to prompt their finishing my review and still hope to get the $800 monthly supplemental annuity they said was my entitlement when "enticing" me to retire early.
I'm a fighter. I refuse to roll-over and just let life happen. Still, these bones are tied of all the abuse of just living. My temper is alive and well and my fuse is shorter than I'd like some days...and I'm sure being pre-menopausal is a large part of that. (Okay, I'm got some bend up hostility in there too I'm sure). I am far from perfect...and don't profess to be. Yes, I'm stressed...but, these days...really...who isn't. (And if you aren't, be thankful for being so blessed!)
But I'm not nasty...even with my faults. I love helping anyone in need. I will, and I have given until it hurts. My core is still intact. I believe Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and I trust God to provide. If you believe differently...that's your choice. Just don't knock me for mine.
I am also a living, breathing contradiction in multiple ways! I don't like social gatherings even in cyber space...facebook, twitter...they are wasted on me. I'm not one to just chat...and make a terrible cheerleader. At the same time, I love intimate small groups of ladies wanting to create something with their hands. It doesn't matter if we are dying lace, stitching, canning, or just acting goofy...that's pure joy to me. The light in someone's eye when they first realize that they CAN do it! A first perfect line of quilting stitches...crazy quilt seam that isn't wonky...or beaded critter...THESE are things that when witnessed make me smile.
I don't like to talk to people much. But have absolutely no qualms (or fear) in speaking to an auditorium full of folks about something I really know about. (Thanks to the Army for that "privilege".) I have jumped through so many hurtles and learned on the run...that now, I am fearless in tackling anything I set my mind to.
My blog has become my outlet for sharing. The majority of my time is spend trying to find things you might like to read about or might inspire you to stitch. Teaching is mostly through my book, tutorials on the blog, or hands-on blocks in round robins these days. And as usual, my mind is going in dozens of directions at the same time as I think of things to create!
I have not posted a lot of my personal struggles, but do try to post my joys. And, mostly, I'll try to continue to do just that...because, as I have sad...I'm not really a whiner.
So, if you want to help a bruised soul eat...buy a book. If you want to learn what I know about any craft that enters my head...stick around, I'll eventually post all that I do and want to do.
If you only want to use your time reviewing blogs written by individuals that are perfect, always nice, never speak their minds,...my advise is to keep on moving. Cause this ole gal is a kind hearted, sharing person...that does occasionally lose her temper and curse; might even speak out of turn or order; and could be found stomping her feet. So, it's possible that you might be offended in some way (although unintentional on my part) if you stick around.
And, I love to stitch. Have my entire life it seems. Stitching is what keeps me sane most days.
So, there is a quick synopsis of my life. Be it as it is.
Now, we'll go back to our regular broadcast....

Roses are in Bloom!

Yea! The roses are all in bloom! I'd love to say that Mom and My backyard is full of rose bushes...but, it is sadly not. We have a rose bed that I put in for mother three years ago, it has four long-stem rose bushes and two are in bloom. Last year, we could not cut these back until January...they were still blooming on Christmas!

At Aidan's playhouse, we also planted roses. Two topiary trees. One of them has been blooming each year, but the second one only lasted the first year. However, the single one has gotten so huge it's probably a good thing that only one of them made it!

It rained heavily last night, so some limbs are kind of "droopy" this morning holding all of that water. The long poles are mostly cane; some of the newer limbs need to be tied up to support all of the new grown since last year. That's a task for a drier day!

Hard or Easy in the Mornings?

Hard to get up in the mornings? 


This is the avatar that I use for my posts on HGTV Message Board. No, I don’t roll my hair any more…so the curlers are NOT me. However, I think I did own a bath robe like that once. And, my hair is gray (well mostly)…but otherwise, it could be me…in a dark alley perhaps, with your glasses off…I’m just saying.


Looking at this photo today made me wonder something. Are you a morning person? Are you able to get into your car within 15 minutes of waking and still drive safely? Or, do you have to be out of bed for at least an hour before uttering your first intelligent word?


I’m one of those disgusting folks that can get up and out the door in record setting time. (I didn’t say I was always in a great mood when I went out that door….no sir…not always.)


And, I’m a much happier grandma after I have made a trek downstairs to my mother’s house for coffee. It is nice to still have my mom, and nice that she makes coffee each morning, and nicer that we can sit and talk about whatever topic comes to mind.


So, how do you get your day started?

Great Resource for Bloggers!

I have been meaning to post about the Blog Guidebooks site for days! So, finally...here goes!

The site is the creative genius of Lyndsay and Sarah, two creative friends that are sharing their knowledge with the world of bloggers. They envision a blogging community that continues to grow friendships, creativity, and beauty. They encourage their readers to create, re-create, improve, and just grow their blogs!

They answer questions about basic blogging design issues, and are there when you just need to clarify "how to" do some simple thing. I know, I've sent questions and received very fast and informative answers! (Thanks Lyndsay!)

Their "About Us" pages says: "Established in 2010, The Blog Guidebook encompasses all bloggers, be they crafty, creative, cooks, bakers, teens, moms, dads, children in need, pet lovers, home-stylers, antiquers, flea marketers, homeschoolers, doctors, lawyers, in any country, and on and on. You name it, you can blog it. And we want to read it!  We've created over one hundred categories just for you to find the blogs you've been looking for.

Blogging is a new form of journalism. It is a way to self-publish your dreams, hopes and stories of your world. The Guidebook offers a way for others to find you, in a friendly, happy, easy to navigate, safe environment.

The Guidebook offers Spotlights and Features of notable blogs and bloggers, Free Listings for your blog, Blog Tips, Video Tutorials, and a live Help Desk. You can ask the Guidebook questions and get an answer. The Blog Guidebook is backed by real people, not just a computer with an automatic reply. We want to help your blog be the best it can be."

Now, isn't that great! I strongly encourage you to check out their site. 

One of their newest offerings is the "Blog Club". I joined recently, and am now part of a five-woman team of bloggers. We are all encouraging each other, offering blog advice and instruction, and making new friendships. I added links to my new club member's sites on my side bar. Go check out their sites...and let them know that Shawkl sent you!

Hugs go all!

Easter Basket Find!

Check out this cool Easter Basket find! Found it at Bill's Dollar Store for $15 bucks!

It is huge...and Aidan will have a fit when she sees it! I also got a huge stuffed bear ($5 on Valentine's Clearance), Two chocolate bunnies ($1 each), and a tall doll ($5) to add to the "loot". I have jelly beans from my secret sister this month to include as well!

So, it is in my office...in a huge black trash bag, behind a chair! The fact that I can camouflage something so big and hide it...gives you insight to the amount of "clutter" in my office! Really, it's a storage room with my laptop and a chair! It is where I put my craft supplies, Studio stock, shipping containers, jewelry displays, and anything else I can't find a spot for. Do you have such a room? Then you know what I mean! No? Well, it's a huge dumping ground that needs to be sorted, organized, and cleaned out...want to come help me? Yeah, me neither...which is why is still looks like this! I'd rather be stitching!

Mermaid Sisters -- Elena

Here is a younger sister, but perhaps not the youngest of the sisters...assuming that I'll create more of course! Elena does have a more youthful appearance than Lavenia however...I think it's the hair style that does it.

If you enjoy the mermaids, let me know...and I'll work on some others for you to embroidery.

My Heart is All a Flutter!

Oh My GOSH! Seriously! I just found The Girl from the Ghetto's blog...and she is having the BEST GIVEAWAY IN THE WORLD! Seriously! It's $30 worth of CHOCOLATE!

Really, the only thing better might be diamonds or maid service! Geez! Hop on over and check out her site. But, DO NOT ENTER THE GIVE-A-WAY FOR CHOCOLATE! Seriously, DON'T...cause I WANT TO WIN! and your entry might prevent that!

We're Getting a Little Funky!

Aidan and I have been painting...doll parts! (Oh, and notice how short Aidan's bangs are? She did that haircut herself!...isn't she clever!! Argghhh!)

She's a little weird and wacky! ...the doll, not Aidan. (Okay, maybe her too after-all she IS my grand-daughter! LOL!). The doll is just adorable...we think! At least the vision we have of her is one that will be adorable...and weird and wacky! I'll post when she is dressed and has hair to see what you think. That will take me a few more days. We painted all the parts, then we added strips of tape to the arms and body; and sticky dots to the legs. And then, we re-painted. The parts were not two impressive at this stage.

When dry, we removed the tape and sticky dots and here is what we have!

She has a "circus" look right now, but just you wait and see!

I like the dotted legs best!

And I think I'll paint purple gloves on her hands....am also thinking some glitter might be good! And, if I do elf ears...that could be grand! If you want a great vehicle to get creative...try making a cloth doll!

Mermaid Sisters -- Lavenia

I've been playing around with Illustrator lately, trying to get some embroidery motifs created. I've done a couple of mermaids and want to do more. So, today and tomorrow...I'll share the designs I have so far. These will be a series of mermaid sisters. The first is Lavenia...

She is the eldest of the sisters...because she seems to have a wisdom about her face. 

Blog Guidebook

Check out the Blog Guidebook if you have a blog and want to share it! They also have other helps and even a new Club for bloggers! I'm so happy to have found them as I want to improve my blog and learn more about blogging!

And grab my new button from my sidebar...that Blog Guidebook helped me to create...WITH the HTML code! I'm so proud of myself! Thanks Lyndsay and Sarah!

Butterflies

Butterflies make wonderful additions to crazy quilt blocks. Here is a whole bunch of small charts that you could cross-stitch on scraps of Aida to have ready to put into your patches. They would be great to create scissor fobs with too! And you could use the charts to create beaded versions!

Here's one I just stitched up to show how they might look...

It will make a great center patch in a needle book! What other ideas do you have for these butterflies?

Can you Imagine?

This photo is from a fashion magazine published in the late 1880's. Can you imagine how much these bathing suits would weigh when wet? Yikes!

Or maybe ladies were not allowed to actually GET into the water then....

Scissors Fob

Over at the Friendly Stitchers Yahoo Group, we're having an exchange of scissor fobs. A fob is something that dangles from your scissors (or keys) that helps you to locate them. My exchange partner was Jeannie, and I mailed this fob to her on Monday. She got it today, so I can share photos with ya'll now and not spoil her surprise!

Recognize the little bird chart? It was posted here.

The other side is a monogram for "J". This was my first stitched fob to create...and I loved doing it. Think I'll make some more!

Lady Elf

If you like elfs you might like to embroidery this design. If you don't like elfs, you could easily "round out" the top of her ear to make it a lovely lady portrait.

Easter Egg Chart Three

Okay, here is last of the Easter Eggs in the trio. I sure hope someone out there in blog land stitches these up and posts a photo in the Yahoo group. You know how long it takes for me to get anything done lately! So, I'm shooting for next Easter! Ha!

And here is the symbol chart with color to guide you of course...I love color charts!

Lastly, the legend so you know what DMC colors the design was created in.

However, you can use your own palette if you wish!

Easter Egg Chart Two

When I think of Easter, I remember lots of really cold mornings attending sunrise services. Then, almost immediately, my mind jumps to Easter egg baskets, egg hunts, and finally...rests quite soundly on "chocolate bunnies". I love chocolate...and especially love chocolate in the shape of a bunny! Yum!

So, one of these three eggs HAD to have chocolate bunnies on it!

I also like marshmallow PEEPs, but I'm not sure about a big blob of yellow on an egg...so, I think I'll just enjoy them in real time! Perhaps an Easter lily, or some other type of flower...okay, back to the chart making!

Here is the legend. And larger photos will be in the files section of the Yahoo site.

Easter Egg Chart One

I'm working on charts for Three Easter Eggs. Thought they might make a great bell pull if lined up vertically; or each alone would be good for a framed piece or a pillow. Here's the first one done...

I'm still working on the other two, and will post them when they are finished. Here is the stitch chart for this first one...

And the stitch color legend. This is charted in standard DMC colors, but these could be changed easily to use up scrap colors I think too.

You should be able to right click the photos and save them to your computer and print. If the image is too small I'm uploading a full size photo to the Yahoo Group Cross-stitch photo album...it is over 10M so too large for here!

Also the chart is for Aida 14...because that is the default for the software. You can stitch it on anything you like, I'd prefer linen or 18 count Aida myself...depends on what I have on hand of course too!

How Many Colors Do You Have?

It's time for all the gorgeous Spring Colors of nail polish to come out. So, I'll be watching for sales at my local drug store!

Here's my current stash!

And I use these for painting charms! Well, sometimes my nails too...but, mostly...it for brass and pewter charms!

So, watch out for those sales papers..and stock up!

Have a minute? Have a stamp? That's all it takes to make a child smile...

I'm re-posting this from Pat Winter's blog:

"Do you feel like making a 12 yr old smile? This was sent to me by a trusted friend. What do you think? Feel like making this 12 yr old smile? I Do! If you do, read on." "RECEIVED A NEWSLETTER IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY FROM ONE OF MY QUILT SHOPS...THIS WAS IN THERE AND I FELT LIKE I NEED TO PASS IT ALONG. PLEASE FORWARD TO YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY AND LETS SEE IF WE CAN HELP MAKE THIS HAPPEN FOR THIS LITTLE GUY......

Max Low is a 12 year old from Neola, Iowa. He has

been battling cancer for half of his life. His 

doctors recently told his parents to enjoy the time

 they have left with him. His wish is to get 1 million 

cards. He has currently gotten 23,000. If you would

 like to help Max get his wish,please send a get 

well card to the following address: (I'm sure a 

postcard would be just as wonderful)

MIGHTY MAX LOW

C/O GREG AND BAMBI LOW

P.O. BOX 111

NEOLA, IA 51559"

How about it? Have a minute to slip a card into

an envelope and address it? Not sure what to 

say...How about "Thinking of You, Hoping you 

are having a Sunny Day!" ... If you don't

have a card...fold a sheet of paper and draw a 

smiley face on the front :)

I'll be sending a "thinking of you" card out in the 

morning sinceI don't have any "get well" cards. 

How about You? I would love to know that all 

of my blog followers could spare enough

time and energy to make a child smile...blessings

to you! Sending hugs out to everyone!

Thanks Gail!

Last month, while doing a little blog surfing I found a super lady named "Gail". She blogs over at Shedding the Wolf, and was having a pay-it-forward event. I entered and look at the lovely beaded serving spoon and knit dishcloth she sent me.

Thanks Gail! I love following your blog..and your gifts are wonderful!